so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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