Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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