New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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