guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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