haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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