nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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