Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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