He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
