My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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