I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
