I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
