dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
