you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
