I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
