I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
