Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His hands were made for my vagina.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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