I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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