He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
