i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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