I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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