wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
