just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
