Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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