At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
