My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
