his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
