Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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