Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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