Yo dont text me then not text me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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