You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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