it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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