"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
