My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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