There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Randomize
