The maid of honor just puked.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
