worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
