I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
