its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
