Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
