i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
