I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
