I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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