its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
