shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
