I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We are two peas in an std pod
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
