I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
