Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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