I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
