So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
