I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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